I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
