Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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