you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
