Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Found the puke drawer
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
