Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
