Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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