i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
