And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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