Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
