I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
