Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Randomize
