the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
