My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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