oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
