I heard we made out
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
did you just send me my own nude
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
