Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
