Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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