i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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