remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We left the knife in your bed.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
