he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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