Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
