you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
