Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
