go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
