final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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