How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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