There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
