But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
