apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
