Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
