You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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