There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He called his prostate his "boner button".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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