I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
