I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
