he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
