I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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