I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize