hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize