i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
