I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
