I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
