I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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