he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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