Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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