I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
