For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
