Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm always down for nudity.
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