I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
