I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
