Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
