My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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