Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
