we have officially lost it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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