I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
