Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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