I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
