I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
