all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
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Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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