this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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