He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
