We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
