He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
