This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
