Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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