idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There's even glitter on my cock...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
