Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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