I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
