dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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