Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
