so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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