He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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