new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
