We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you inspire me to be a worse person
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize