a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
