she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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