hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
