First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
