I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
