with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he fucked my hip out of place.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
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I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking