My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.