My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
