I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
