how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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