this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish my penis had a tongue
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
