Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
