And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
