if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Randomize
