i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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