Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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