I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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