Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
